My Playground
Okay, I've heard all those old bastards talking about how bad your teenage years are supposed to be, but this is just fucking rediculous. I never thought I would ever hear this much talk of suicide, or even get this close to thinking about it myself. If life is just a test then the teacher is pretty fucked up. The reason I put that in green is because I felt that was a pretty cool thing to say considering I thought of it. That's gonna be my motto from now on.
Life is too damn confusing for people who are supposed to be so damn immature. How are the "immature, inexperienced little teenagers" supposed to deal with all these fucking problems? Please, somebody tell me?
Big jump of emotions from the last entry I know, but I've been thinking about this stuff. The whole situation with my ex-girlfriend. It's really got me all mixed up now. Especially how she can love me when I hate myself. I wanna change everything about myself, but she still loves me... How is that possible. I just don't understand.
My life is just a big triangle of confusion. I'm stuck between my beliefs, what others tell me and what even other people say about the opinions of the first group. I really think I take the wrong fucking clues from people.
2MC_Boy
Uhm... Xanga isn't working right now and I'm too excited to sit still right now. I just read an email that my
Shit!! If only you could feel how fast my heart is beating right now!!!!
My friend asked me yesterday if I still liked my [ex-girlfriend], and I wasn't sure, but I really think I still do. I just don't think that I like her as much as she said she likes me. I was thinking that I wouldn't go out with her again if I had the chance, but now I'm not so sure. All the things I was pissed of at before have been pretty much explained. I knew I shouldn't have listened to what her..... "admirerer" said. See, this guy really likes her and always asks her out, well he noticed that I was feeling down and asked what was wrong, I made the mistake of telling him and asking him if my girlfriend (then) still liked me. He said that she didn't really anymore and that she said something. What he told me she talked about was something I didn't think he would ever know about because it was on my Xanga and I don't think he knows about it.
Uhm.... I'm just so fucking excited right now I can't believe it. I was tired a few minutes ago but now I'm fully awake and can't sit still. I'm typing this too fucking fast and keep making a bunch of mistakes........ Uhm...... I ..... ARGH!!!!!....... I can't think.....
I don't think I've felt this way before. I was just about to start bitching (it's Friday night and usually I wouldn't see her tomorrow), but then I remembered that we have R.O.T.C. drill tomorrow morning from 9:00 A.M. - 12:00 A.M., so maybe I'll be able to talk to her then. I just don't know what I'm gonna say. I hope I don't freak out and go all quiet. I'm gonna stop writting now before I write a whole fucking page of bullshit nobody but me cares about. So sayonara!
2MC_Boy
Well, I'm going to start updating my Xanga site again. I've been getting threats from my friends of getting kicked in the balls and chased after by gay people (seriousle, that's what they said). I don't want either of those to happen so I'm just gonna bs a lot in the Xanga blogs.
Also, I was thinking of working on my template a bit, which I'm probably going to do later tonight. I currently still have the Bluebird theme enabled, and I'm basically just gonna changed it up a bit to the design I thought of fifth period. Math was just too boring to pay attention.
2MC_Boy